Love. It’s a universal desire, yet for some of us, it feels frustratingly out of reach. As someone who considers himself easy to love, I’ve often wondered why receiving the love I crave is so challenging. Join me as I explore this paradox and the simple, yet seemingly elusive, needs that define my emotional world.
Am I Hard to Love?
I don’t think I’m a hard person to love. Quite the opposite. I actually think I’m a very easy person to love. In fact, I believe I’m so easy to love that anyone could love me, and I could easily fall in love with anyone else. That’s probably just how I’m built. (We could probably look deeper into why that is the case in another post!!)
The Simplicity of My Needs So, what do I want? It’s not much, really:
- Someone to tell me they love me
- Someone who wants to listen to me
- Someone who asks, “How was your day?
- How are you doing?”
- A few hugs and cuddles throughout the day
- Closeness and physical affection
I can be quite needy, I admit. I need reassurance and comfort. But is that a bad thing or really too much to ask?
The Disconnect
Here’s where the paradox comes in: Why is it so hard for me to receive these things from my partner, from my wife? It’s all so basic. I don’t need presents or material things. All I want is an emotional hold, a connection, touching, feeling.
What Love Sounds Like to Me Imagine hearing things like: “I appreciate you.” “I like you.” “I love you.” “I want to be with you.” “I like it when you’re so close to me.” “I want to be near you.”
Or compliments like: “I like it when you’re like this.” “I like it when you look like that.”
These reassurances and compliments would mean the world to me. They’d make me feel loved, seen, and appreciated.
The Guilt of Needing It’s not attention-seeking; it’s just how some people are built. And I have to say, I’m like that. I shouldn’t feel guilty for feeling or being this way. I should not feel guilty for being like that. Full stop.
A Universal Struggle? The universe works in such messed up ways. It’s often the things we want most that feel the most out of reach. And I suspect that’s true for many people. It’s frustrating and confusing.
Cultivating Self-Acceptance and Communicating Needs
If you find yourself struggling with unfulfilled emotional needs, remember that it’s okay to want connection and reassurance. Recognizing and accepting these needs is a step towards healthier self-awareness. In relationships, clear, honest communication about what makes you feel loved can pave the way for deeper understanding. At the same time, nurturing a compassionate relationship with yourself can help reduce feelings of frustration and loneliness when things don’t go as planned. Whether through mindfulness, self-care routines, or talking with a therapist, building up inner support can strengthen your resilience and emotional well-being. Love is a two-way street, but loving yourself along the journey can make all the difference.
