"Mental health is not a destination, but a process. It's about how you drive, not where you're going."
In this chapter, I explore my feelings and confront concerns about how others perceive my mental health. As I navigate this journey, I face challenges by cultivating compassion for those around me, especially my loved ones.
Lack of Understanding
After my mental breakdown, I struggled to perform even the simplest tasks, such as dropping off and picking up my kids from nursery.
Getting out of bed felt nearly impossible. It was clear to my family that something was wrong; my wife eventually asked me, “How long are you going to be like this?” This moment was a wake-up call for me, revealing that she didn’t fully grasp my mental health challenges or know how to support me.
I realised my struggles were difficult for my family to understand. My mental health was not something I could switch on or off, though I often wished I could block out my feelings.
"People sometimes say, "oh snap out of it" or "stop feeling sorry for yourself' but this isn't something that you can stop at a click of a finger."
Mockery of My Feelings
People often say things like, “Oh, snap out of it!” or “Stop feeling sorry for yourself,” but these sentiments ignore the reality of mental health struggles. I recall a painful confrontation with my middle brother, who belittled me by mocking my suicidal thoughts—something he learned about from a private conversation with my oldest brother. His remarks, “Oh, I want to kill myself, look at me, I want to kill myself, oh, I’m feeling sad,” broke me at the time and left a lasting impact.
People’s Perceptions
It became clear that the support within my family was minimal, leaving me to seek help on my own. Many people struggle to understand mental health issues because they lack personal experience. If someone has never faced mental health challenges, how could they possibly comprehend what I was going through? I felt isolated, believing that no one understood me or was there for me.
Why would anyone for that matter be expected to understand what I was going through?
Showing Compassion
I didn’t feel anger toward the people in my life; rather, I had expected more from them—a hug, perhaps, or a simple, “How can I help?” Over time, I learned to understand the behaviour of those around me and to cultivate compassion for their experiences and upbringing.
Reading Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Kristin Neff has been enlightening. I began to accept that while some people would understand my perspective, others might never fully grasp it.
Final Thoughts
The journey through mental health can be incredibly isolating, but understanding and compassion—both for myself and others—have been key to my healing. I encourage anyone reading this who may feel misunderstood to seek support and open up about their experiences.
Have you ever felt isolated in your struggles? How did you cope? I invite you to share your thoughts in the comments below. Remember, you’re not alone in this journey.
