Mental health is a topic often shrouded in stigma, especially in cultures that prioritise strength and resilience. As a brown man navigating these cultural pressures, I’ve grappled with the worry of how others perceive my struggles. This is the story of the day I realised I was broken and began my journey toward mental health awareness.
The Day It Happened
It was an unusual day at work. I dismissed my unease as post-holiday blues, thinking it was just my first day back from a break. When a meeting was scheduled to ‘catch up,’ I accepted, even though I felt overwhelmed by the emails and conversations awaiting my attention.
Walking into the meeting room, an overwhelming urge to escape washed over me. It wasn’t the room itself; it was the entire situation. I wanted to get as far away from work, the people, and the building as quickly as possible.
As my manager and I exchanged pleasantries about my holiday, something shifted within me. I felt tense and uneasy, drenched in cold sweat. For years, I had been conditioned to believe that showing emotions was a sign of weakness—a threat to my hard-earned career.
Showing any form of emotions, would be deemed as 'weak'; I felt would jeopardise my years of hard work and make me less of an employee and limit my career."
A Display of Vulnerability
Then, without warning, tears began to stream down my face. I sat there, silently crying, staring out the window at the distant view of Regents Park and London Zoo. My manager, a middle-aged brown man, sat in stunned silence, clearly uncomfortable with the situation.
Overcoming Cultural Stigma
The fear of discrimination loomed large in my mind. I had worked tirelessly to reach that point in my career, and now I feared that this emotional display would cost me everything. As a brown man in London for over 15 years, I had felt the need to work twice as hard to prove myself. I could already hear the whispers: “He’s not cut out for it,” or “He can’t handle the pressure,” should I ever be considered for a senior role.
Understanding the Emotional Breakdown
In that moment, I didn’t realise it, but I was standing at the beginning of a journey that would change my life in unimaginable ways. It was a rollercoaster of emotions and a deep dive into my physical and spiritual awareness.
What was happening to me? Why did I break down like this? It became clear that my subconscious was telling me it was time to let go. The emotions filled me with so much fear. Would my family understand? Could I still be the husband and father I wanted to be?
I was overwhelmed with uncertainty, scared of what the future held. I knew I couldn’t return to the way I was before that breakdown, but I felt too broken to put the pieces back together.
Looking Forward
Reflecting on that moment, I realised it was the start of a crucial journey toward healing and understanding. I learned that vulnerability is not a weakness but a strength. Acknowledging my emotions opened the door to self-discovery and the possibility of growth.
If you find yourself in a similar situation, know you’re not alone. Embracing vulnerability can be daunting, but it’s the first step toward healing. Don’t hesitate to seek help or share your experiences. It’s okay to not be okay.
Share your thoughts or experiences in the comments below. If you’re struggling, please reach out for support—resources are available to help you on your journey.
Need help?
Does this resonate with you? Check out the links below for more information and how to get help:
